Women's Moon Wisdom Podcast Intro - Rebecca Rankin (00:01):
Stories, teachings and guidance. Welcome to the Women's Moon Wisdom podcast, with your host, Rebecca Rankin.
Rebecca Rankin (00:18):
Hi there, it's Rebecca Rankin and thank you for listening to the Women's Moon Wisdom podcast. In today's episode, we're gonna talk about setting boundaries, what that looks like, how to set them and how to honor them. Part of optimizing our cyclical nature is about getting clear about our boundaries and honoring them. And this is especially true for us within our cycle when we shift into the more inward focused part of our cycle, the luteal phase and menstrual phase. The 10 to 14 days before our next period begins is especially important to have our boundaries in place when we naturally feel a bit more sensitive, and overwhelm and stress can get the best of us. Something for you to think about, how good are you at setting boundaries? And, how good are you at committing to them when you've set them? I'll be honest, it probably took until I started living in alignment with my cycle through cyclical living or cycle syncing, that I was actually intentional about establishing boundaries in my life and proactively setting them. As we shift through different seasons of life, it's important to reestablish what they look like because as our life evolves, so will the things we need more structure around evolve.
(01:35):
Setting boundaries is not a new concept at all. It's a phrase that's thrown around all the time. We all probably know that it's important to set boundaries for our physical, emotional, energetic, and mental wellbeing. And we all know that it can actually be kind of hard. We know that we need to set them because it's so easy to get pulled, to do so many things, right? Our attention is being called in so many directions. There are so many things fighting for our attention all the time. So in this episode, let's set, commit and benefit from putting boundaries in place. My hope is that you'll walk away with some clarity around what areas of your life need more boundaries in place, what they look like. And I'm hoping that you'll feel confident that you can start putting them in place today.
(02:26):
Let's take a moment and map out the emotional and kind of energetic trajectory of our monthly cycle. And even if you're no longer cycling, you probably can still recognize the shift in behavioral patterns in your life that begin to show up as signs of just needing a little more structure, needing a little bit more boundaries. And so for those of us who have a cycle, let's just quickly take a zoomed out look at your monthly cycle. Now in your follicular phase, your inner waxing moon phase, which begins the day after your period ends, begins the follicular phase. And then that leads into your ovulatory phase or your inner full moon phase, which is kinda like the peak of your cycle, right? It's when you're fertile, it's your fertile window. Well, this first half of your cycle you'll feel the effects of rising levels of hormones like FSH, estrogen, testosterone, LH you'll feel the, that rising of hormones as just a more energetic feeling.
(03:26):
Maybe you're just feeling more energetic, like your mood's a little bit better. And you even just feel a little bit more social during this half of your cycle. And of course you'll experience many other feelings because you are human and you're interacting with the world around you. Yet, the effects of the rising hormone levels will have just a little bit more positive impact on your mood and energy, which can result in just feeling a little bit more outgoing and social. So for many of us, this, this is the time when boundaries that we may have had in place get a little bit loosened, or honestly, maybe even just forgotten completely. It's easy to get caught up in saying yes to more things during this half of your cycle, because honestly our hormones are optimizing us for that, right? Our biochemistry is helping us to opt into more social engagements.
(04:15):
And from a biological standpoint, kind of makes sense, right? It makes sense that we feel more social during our fertile time of the month. So we have this first half of our cycle. So after our period is done to a little more than halfway through our cycle. So this first half where we are feeling just more outward, more social, we say yes to more things. We're putting ourselves out there more. And because our cycle is meant to bring us into balance, we can then see how the second half of our cycle brings us back into this more inward focus. We can view our second half of our cycle as the luteal phase or inner waning moon phase. And, and that can be thought of as the, the 10 to 14 days that lead before your next period and the menstrual phase, our period, our inner new moon phase.
(05:07):
So our luteal phase and our menstrual phase, those two phases make up the second half of our cycle, the more inward focus part of our cycle. And, and it makes sense, right? Our hormone levels start to decrease. And when they start to decrease, you'll feel that in the way that affects your mood, right? Your energy levels, your, your libido, they all start to decrease and you may feel even just a bit more focused to get things done. You may have less inclination of just being social and with this decrease in levels of hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, which lowers slightly, you can also just feel a little bit more sensitive. So as you look at this arc within a cycle, the cyclical pattern, you can see where in your cycle, putting boundaries in place becomes really important. The luteal phase, your inner waning moon phase, is just allowing you to reign in your energy.
(06:04):
Putting some boundaries up will feel really supportive. So you may have been a bit more lax with your boundaries the previous week, during your ovulatory phase, when you're feeling more social. Your boundaries may have been a little bit more lax you may have loosened them. Now, during the luteal phase, it's the time to just bring it back in, turn inward, check in with what you need now. And if you honor this part of yourself and actually check in each month with your boundaries, you'll be better able to listen and understand your own needs. You become just more bodyMind literate, and you'll be better at expressing your needs with those in your life. And when you honor your own boundaries, you'll also be better at honoring those of your friends, your colleagues, and your family members.
(06:51):
It's crucial to set boundaries for ourselves so we can just have time to do the things we also love doing in our life, time with loved ones, with our friends, with olur family, time for sleep, time for exercise. And with so many things calling for our attention, it's important to feel like we are effective and productive with our time and also feel like we have time to enjoy the life we wanna live. And this brings me to the point of establishing our 'why'. Understanding why you're setting these boundaries in place is going to be the motivating factor to respect the boundaries and commit to them. And when establishing our 'why', it's really important to feel just a deep connection to it. Not just a, "because it's good for me", type of reason. Like we wanna feel like really deeply connected to our motivating factor, our 'why'.
(07:43):
And there's so many temptations to overstep our own boundaries. Whether it's writing just one more email instead of having dinner with your family or overcommitting to one more social engagement, instead of exercising. There are so many things pulling at our attention and allowing our boundaries to become vulnerable istead of impenetrable. It's easy to put work before things that are really important to you, things that you have well intended boundaries around. But having a clear unshakable, 'why' is so important. Why are you setting these boundaries? Maybe it's important for your family, or maybe they've even asked you to set these in place. Or maybe it's boundaries around your health, your work, your spirituality, keep coming back to your motivating factors. And for me, like my, 'why ' is my family. My two little ones and my partner, Seth, like that is one of my whys and my other is my spiritual wellbeing.
(08:42):
I wanna be sure that I have time in my day to be with my kids, my partner, and also time for my spiritual practices of meditation and yoga. Those aspects of my life are what I wanna protect by putting boundaries in place. Because when you say yes to something, you're also saying no to something else. So if I say yes to work over and over again, then in a way I'm saying no to time with my kids, I'm saying no to my spiritual health in that moment. And ultimately that's not the life that I wanna live. So taking a moment, like, what is your, 'why'? What are your motivating factors that can help you keep yourself accountable to those boundaries in place? Because if it's not strong enough, then you'll probably be less likely to hold true to those boundaries.
(09:34):
And when those times come, inevitably they're gonna happen, you're gonna find yourself stretched too thin. You're gonna feel overwhelmed and exhausted. And then you're just not gonna have the energy for what is really important in your life. Your 'why' is gonna suffer. And when that does happen, as it probably will at some point in your life, let that be your sign to evaluate and reestablish which areas in your life need more structure in order for you to thrive. Everyone is different, so your motivating factors, your 'why' is going to probably be different than mine. Maybe you don't have kids or you aren't married. Maybe your, 'why' is that you love to travel and you want to honor boundaries around your spending so that you can travel more frequently. Whatever your 'why' is, the important thing is to discover what it is in your life that motivates you to hold that boundary in place.
(10:32):
Another way to look at it is, what are you craving more of in your life? And when you are having those cravings, then maybe you're often depleted in that area. It's kinda like this little warning sign telling you that you need more of it. You need to find a bit more balance. So what in your life are you craving more of? What are you craving more of in your life and maybe that area of your life is a little depleted and needs a little bit more structure around so that you can thrive in that area. Right? So now that you've established your 'why' your motivating factor, how do you actually put boundaries in place? Like, what does that actually look like? So let's say your boundary is around how you spend your time, which a lot of boundaries probably have some aspect of how we use our time woven into them.
(11:22):
You probably notice that when you put boundaries around your time, you'll actually feel like you have more of it. A little story, so for a long while, probably longer than I would actually like to admit, I was terrible at managing my time around work. It seemed like I was always constantly juggling all the things. Juggling homeschooling, juggling running a brick and mortar yoga studio, being with my family, juggling my business. It felt like every day was up in the air and I was just scrambling to do all the things with honestly little structure in place. And if any of you listening are an entrepreneur, then you know the feeling that there's kind of always work to be done. You feel like you could just always just squeeze in one more hour and in a way that you're always just on call with your business.
(12:09):
Well, for me, finally I sat down, like I said, this is like years and years and years into being an entrepreneur. Well, I finally sat down and created a work schedule. Meaning as if I were to be reporting to a boss, which my boss is me . So as if I were to be reporting to a boss, I sat down and I created a work schedule that these are the times, each day that I will be in office working. And these are the times that I do not work. And this small, like tiny shift of just setting a work schedule for myself was huge. Like honestly, it made all the difference in my days, in my relationship with my family and the amount of play and had time for in the day. Before having those boundaries with work in place, I found that when I was at work, I would feel guilty that I wasn't at home with my kids.
(13:02):
And the opposite was true too, when I was with my kids, I was feeling like I should be at work, getting things done within my business. And I worked for myself, so it's easy to get swept away in all the things that called to my attention. And by putting those simple boundaries down, I'm able to be more present with my kids and partner. I'm able to stay focused during work, because I know that this is the time for work. And with this structure in place, I've managed my time in a way that my motivating factors are being nourished just as much as my business. Meaning, that time with my kids, with my, my partner, the time with my spiritual practices, all those aspects of my life are being just as nourished as my business.
(13:44):
So back to, how do you lay out your boundaries? Now, if it's around time, like how you want to use your time in more specific ways. First, it's getting clear as to what your ideal week looks like. Begin with your non-negotiables and schedule those in. Like, I love using an actual, like hard copy planner, an actual journal. I have one from a company called Archer and Olive. They're awesome. I will link to it in the show notes. Anyways, I have one from Archer and Olive that I use. And, um, or maybe for you, it's utilizing a Google calendar or some other software, uh, maybe it's using just a, a calendar on your refrigerator, whatever it is. Maybe it's a bit of everything, which truthfully is kind of what I do, a little bit of everything. Anyways, getting clear on your non-negotiables. Schedule in your daily non-negotiables, like maybe it's meditation and movement exercise by 8:00 AM or no work before 9:00 AM and no work past 6:00 PM.
(14:41):
Whatever your non-negotiables are, put those in each day. Then look at kind of like the, zoom out a little bit and look at the weekly, like, what are your weekly non-negotiables and schedule those in. Maybe it's you want to run or, or hike like five times per week or three times per week, schedule those in like, these are, non-negotiables like, this is going to be anchored into your schedule. And then zoom out a little bit more and like, what's your monthly non-negotiables. And maybe this is when you lean more into your cyclical living and schedule some downtime around your menstrual phase and see if you can schedule more social engagements for kind of the first half of your cycle, and then slowly lighten your load during the later part of your luteal phase. And then zoom out a little bit more like, what are your yearly non-negotiables?
(15:31):
Any vacations that you wanna take or special events that are on the horizon, get clear on those and treat them just as you would any important meeting. Schedule them in just as you would a doctor's appointment. And because they are just as important to the quality of your life, because they are your life. And, and that's more about setting boundaries around your time. You might be looking for boundaries around other aspects of your life, like consumption. Maybe you just wanna put a little bit more boundaries around your alcohol consumption, so you shift to holding some boundaries around maybe only drinking alcohol on the weekends or only it's just one glass of wine. Or maybe it's just boundaries around consuming of sweets maybe looking at eating desserts just on special occasions, not all the time or whatever it may be. Or maybe you're just craving boundaries around like social media. Like perhaps you find yourself getting swept into the rabbit holes of social media and all of a sudden you've lost like 30 minutes of your life to watching like some silly TikTok dance videos. And this could be honestly just around screen time in general. Right. And, and you could pair it back to like, what is your, 'why'? Like, what's your motivating factor that's gonna keep you from doing these habits, right? Perhaps your 'why' is to get better sleep so that you can reduce stress and feel more wakeful and present during the day, like you don't have to chug a bunch of coffee just to be a human. And so you wanna have some boundaries around, you know, your bedtime routine, maybe around screen time in the evening. This is a nice tool to work with, setting like an alarm on your phone to go off roughly like two hours, let's say before you tend to go to bed. And that's your reminder to turn your phone onto, "Do Not Disturb", put your phone in the other room and start winding down for bed.
(17:18):
And when we actually begin to commit to those boundaries you'll see, those areas of your life that you wanted to nurture, you'll see them begin to thrive. And that will only further your motivation to keep it up, right? And you'll slowly begin to reform healthy habits that support you. And when you notice that those boundaries begin to loosen, especially as our cycle shifts throughout the month, and we let the slack out, then we can reel it back in during our inner waning moon phase, our luteal phase, we get just reel it back in and strengthen our commitment to them once again.
(17:53):
And with time, we can recognize the cyclical patterns and give ourselves some grace to honor what our needs are and reconnect to them through being just more intentional with what we say 'yes' to, how much we take on and what we say no to. Ultimately, we're looking to just live in alignment with our natural rhythm so that we can live the life of our dreams, that's filled with intention and filled with purpose.
(18:19):
And if you're looking just for more support around setting boundaries and giving yourself opportunities to check in with your needs throughout the month, then feel free to check out the show notes. I linked to my free resource in the show notes. It's a whole cycle's worth of journal prompts that you can print up, or even just fill out on your laptop and use to align with each phase of your cycle. There's a whole section of clarifying your boundaries during your luteal phase of your cycle. Go ahead and grab it, I really hope you enjoy it. And feel free to send me a message on Instagram, let me know what your boundaries are looking like for you, how you're holding yourself accountable. I'd love to hear from you. You can find me on Instagram @womensmoonwisdom. I hope you enjoy, I hope you can really begin to set boundaries, commit to them and honor them. Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
